The realization that I’m unemployed has finally kicked in. I don’t know how many of you have been out of work for a period of time, but I’m sure those of you that have, know the feeling. The first few days, you figure “everything will work itself out, everything will be just fine”. Then a couple of days after that, you sit in your room, thinking “what the fuck am I going to do now?” I’m at the latter point. There have been points in my life where I didn’t really care that I was out of work, because I always had someone to depend on to get me through it. This time however, I don’t really have any “safety blanket.” I mean, the place where I’m staying isn’t owned by a real estate company, it’s owned by my roommates’ mom, so I don’t have to worry about getting booted out, but I will have to pay any back bills. That’s something I don’t want to do. Anyway, what I meant by the security blanket thing, is that I don’t have a home to go back to, nor do I have a parental figure to bail me out. I have to get back on my feet, and fast, or I’ll be fucked. The worst part about it all is that my life was finally going in a direction that I wanted it to. I was making good money, potential for more was almost guaranteed, and I was going to get out of the shithole I live in, and on to greener pastures. I was also planning on getting a new car, and now this. There is a proverbial roadblock in front of me, and I can’t seem to get past it. It always ends up this way too. I’ll be going somewhere, just to get smacked down, and just when I seem to get past all of the bad times, they’re back. It’s really fucked.
I did some of the things I planned to do today. I got my check in the bank. I paid my rent. I took my buddy around to do his errands. I checked out the unemployment office’s webpage, but my internet connection kept fucking up, so I have to check that out again later. I didn’t do my laundry but it’s ok. There’s always tomorrow when you don’t have a job. I also bought a couple of cds (probably a stupid decision, but I don’t give a shit). I picked up the Misfits “Collection I”, and the new Guttermouth cd, “Eat Your Face”. They’re both pretty good. Guttermouth’s sound has gone back to it’s former glory, and although their older stuff is still better, it’s not a waste of money like “Covered in Ants” or “Gusto.” Although I do love the song “She’s got the look” on CiA. Anyhow, the cds made me feel a little better about my deplorable situation, but they definitely aren’t making me any money. I know what you’re thinking too, about how I’m sitting on my ass here talking about shit and not doing anything about it. Well fuck you for thinking it. I know damn well that sitting on my keister isn’t getting me anywhere. I have plans. Friday is my day for everything to happen. I’m getting a job at one of those places I mentioned last post. If not, then I’ll go through the unemployment office’s leads. I’ve got my feelers out there dammit. And now, I sound like a fucking retard because I’m arguing with myself about what I’m not doing.
At this time I don’t have any inspiration to work on this site, aside from these blog type entries. Maybe when things start going better, I’ll have more (better shit) to say.